INTRODUCTION

If your pet runs off and gets lost, do you dare go after it?

Pets eh?  Not the smartest bunch.  How many have you lost?  Not, like, they ran head-first into a creeper kind of lost, but they actually ran off and got lost-lost.  That’s what happened to me.  My pet ran off, through a portal, no less.  Because that’s what they do.  They see danger and run towards it with no regard for whether it’s a good idea or not. Which is totally different from all the times I jumped off mountains with the intention of landing in a single block hole filled with water.  Totally.  Different.  I thought it would be a quick trip to the Nether.   A quick run in, grab him, get out.  But no, that would be way too simple…

HOUR 1: NEW BEGINNINGS

I stepped through a portal after my pet, because, you know, that’s what all good owners would do.  It doesn’t matter if your pet is averse to being kept safe – like the time he jumped into a ravine head-first into lava… actually, I forget what my point is here.  I guess it’s that no matter how ridiculous, annoying, and stupid our pets are, we still love them.   so we will therefore chase them into a portal to who-knows-where, which is what I did. Only when I passed through the portal, I wasn’t in the nether or the end. I was somewhere else. Somewhere strange and different, and my portal blew up.  Typical.   

HOUR 2:  A STRANGE NEW WORLD

After climbing through the wreckage of a Creeper explosion, I headed outside to look for my pet. He couldn’t have gotten far right? How fast can they run? Well, it turns out they can run really fast.  Like an ocelot that’s just seen a fish kind of fast. Outside this little now wrecked room was the landscape filled to the brim with trees, oversized Centennial mushrooms, cannonball with teeth (teeth! How is that even a thing?!), and are these I’ve never seen before. Where I am is the opposite of where I was, and everything looks… Oddly peaceful.

HOUR 3:  WHO IS THIS GUY?

Amendment right through the world. Across the Grain and tell my little legs couldn’t take it anymore. As my stomach rumbled, I decided to check my surrounding area for food. With all these trees about finding some nice juicy Apple should be a piece of cake. Sadly, I couldn’t find anything to make an actual cake though. As I continued my journey, I met a man (I think his name was Larry O? Either way, I asked if he’d seen my pet. “It’s-a-me!” he shrieked.
“No, no, I know who you are, that’s not what I ask-” he cut me off.  
“Wah-ha!” he proclaimed before jumping away.

HOUR 4:  IN THE WOODS TONIGHT

That LarryO guy was useless! I can still hear a faint whisper carry them win. “Woo-hoo…”  Idiot.   I hope the next person I found was more helpful. Anyway, I carried on walking and eating apples. I found my way into a forest. The trees. The trees! I swear I could hear them talking. “go back,” “not here,” “Escape!” Nevertheless, I pushed on. I would have hacked one down and turned it into a sword, but you know, talking trees are scary, yo! eventually, I came to a house. The dirt beneath me creaks like stepping on wood, and then, suddenly, the tree stopped whispering and all noise faded as I timidly tapped on the door…

HOUR 5:  ANOTHER CASTLE

“Oo’s out there?  This is my ‘ouse,” an elderly voice called from within.  I slowly entered, one foot in front of the other, step by step.  I came face-to-face with a woman in pink.  I think she said her name was ‘Beach’(?).  “Lost your little friend, ‘ave ya?  I get lost all the time.  Sometimes I end up in castles all alone,” she cackled.  I could tell by the look of disdain on her face, I was in the wrong neck of the woods.  Literally.  With a few backward steps, I threw my remaining apples at her and ran.

Hour 6: WAH-HA-HA

So this was going pretty well so far… I hadn’t died, but I was without food and I’d use up all my sprinting. Good times… Now, where was my pet?! This guy had gotten pretty dark, and do you know what happens at night? All The Nasty mobs come out and play. I saw White Lightning headed towards it. It was small, kind of ugly, with a funny- looking humanoid turtle (hurdle?) in front. his name was Trousers or Wowzer. I don’t know he seemed friendly enough, but I hadn’t seen my pet, so I bid him farewell and continued on.

HOUR 7: MY NEW CASTLE

I figured, as you do,  I was going to be here for some time. So what better idea than to build my very own castle? This Castle I totally built myself. Never mind its daylight in the picture, that was an errm, the sun, actually, never mind. To build this you need between 1 and 5000 blocks of cobblestone, some Red Blocks. look I don’t know the name of them, okay? whatever that picture is in the middle, some of those window things. Okay, okay.  Fine, fine!  I didn’t build it, I made it up. I’m sorry!
*Insert a castle in the sunlight*

HOUR 8:  WHAT I ACTUALLY BUILT

Okay. So. I’m no master builder. You got me. Instead, as the darkness of the night sky started to let up, I built a dirt hut. Literally the worst dirt hut you have ever seen. The front door? I stole that from a different fort someone else was occupying. Don’t look at me like that oh, I don’t have opposable thumbs! Building is hard! Just to make matters all that much worse, after I finish building my lovely dirt hut, it turns out there was a freaking mushroom house I could have stayed in.  TYPICAL!

HOUR 9:  A FUN GUY

With some backup (I don’t know why not only last 2 hours, it just does), I inquired inside the Mushroom House. I was told to go speak with  ‘Road’.Isn’t it strange they live in mushrooms, they eat mushrooms, and they are mushrooms? Anywho, I met with Road. He babbled on how “I’m not saying his name right “and something about his” printers being in another Castle. “who knows. He had, however, seen my pet, and pointed me in the right direction before I patted me on the head.

HOUR 10:  YOU’RE KIDDING ME?

HE WAS IN THE CANNONBALL WITH TEETH’S MOUTH! Stupid, stupid Steve. If you ever think about getting a pet, don’t get human. They’re idiots. Danger seeking idiots. Wait, you didn’t think I was a human, did you? I am quite clearly a dog. A human couldn’t find a lost dog, but a dog could sure find a lost human. I can’t believe you thought I was a human. Outrageous! Could humans release the cannonball with teeth from its hinge so it flies into a wall so the trap human side free? No, they couldn’t. I could though, and did.

HOUR 11:  HOMEWARD BONE

Steve, my pet, thanks to me for saving him for the millionth time this month, and patronizingly ruffled my fur  “I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough of this place, ” he told me. From the bits of The Cannonball teeth monster currency seriously, why does it have teeth!?),  Steve made a stone Sword in the Stone Pickaxe. I have done the same myself, but my opposable thumbs and all that. Ignoring my advice, Steve Doug straight down and we both fell into a fiery pit (Steve actually fell in lava but I pulled him out – a million and one times this month now).  Next to the pit, thankfully, was our escape route: another portal.

HOUR 12: WHO’S A GOOD BOY

With that, our story ends at last. We stuck through the portal and found ourselves back in our village. Well, Steve spawn down a well. Yes, I saved him. Yes, it was the millionth and second time this month, and yes, I probably should have left him. That’d teach him not to get in trouble. Here’s the thing though Colin he’s my pet. So no matter how ridiculous, annoying, and stupid my pet is, I still love him. I love him and I will do anything for my pet. Now, we’re on the world is my treat?

CONCLUSION

Humans are stupid. Don’t get human as a pet. Their lifespan averages 12 seconds. Do you know why? They love getting themselves into trouble. They pick fights with skeletons with only their fist to protect themselves and always stir Enderman. Even dogs know to not stare at Enders. Crikey, you can teach an old dog new tricks, but you can’t teach a human not stirred entering. Not to dig straight down, or up. Next time you see a human, and they’re thinking about doing something dangerous, remind them to think like a dog. Dogs are much, much, much smarter.