Learning how to show your story to your reader, rather than telling them about it is difficult. I struggle with this in every book I write, because telling is easy and showing is hard. Sometimes, telling is useful to do in your story. I’ve used it to tell the reader about something that has happened, but it may not be important enough to dedicate multiple pages to it. Some authors would say, if it’s not important enough to show, then it shouldn’t be there, maybe they’re right??? Before we go into detail about this concept, let me define both for you.

Telling is when you inform the reader about what’s happening in your story. Telling is when you summarize some action that has taken place, rather than letting the reader experience the action with your characters. A common place where young writers tell is when they describe their characters. Below is an example of a tell:

He’s tall with blond hair and bright blue eyes; that’s telling.

This sentence does nothing to draw your reader into your story. In fact, it keeps you reader disconnected from your adventure, making it easy to put your book down, which would make me sad, 🙁 . Remember the bottom half of rule #4:

Certainly, the first half of rule #4 is true, ending with plot questions will keep the reader engaged, but also, showing instead of telling will also keep the reader engaged and connected to your characters and your story.

 

Here’s a definition of Showing:

Showing is when you put your reader into the action and let them experience what’s happening to your characters. Showing paints a picture in the mind of your reader. Showing lets your reader feel and see and smell and taste the environment in your story as if they’re actually there. Showing will draw your reader into your story and keep them there.

For example: instead of saying your character is tall with blond hair and blue eyes, you might say it this way:

The boy stared down into the pool of water. A pair of blue eyes, bright like the sky overhead stared back at him, his blond hair falling across his shoulders like the finest strands of gold. Other kids moved next to him and stared into the water, curious as to what he saw. They were all dwarfed by his towering height, none taller than his shoulder.

Here’s a few more examples:

COLD

Tell: It was cold.

Show: The frigid wind bit the end of his nose, numbing it instantly.

TIRED

Tell: He felt tired.

Show: He slumped down into the overstuffed chair, exhausted, his arms and legs too tired to move anymore.

Now, here’s how I use showing vs. telling in my own writing. Before I start to write a new novel, I’ll outline what’s going to happen in the story, using my 7-critical-scenes method. You can find this lesson on the WRITING TUTORIALS page. Likely, I’ll be redoing this lesson in a couple of weeks. After outlining the story, I’ll go through each chapter and outline what’s going to happen. For some reason, I don’t know why, when I outline these chapters, I’ll TELL instead of SHOW. So these can be a good example of Showing vs. Telling.

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Here’s just the beginning of the outlined chapter from Zombies Attack!:

They woke up at dawn and ate. Watcher’s back was sore for the evening rest, stretching didn’t help. Planter was already awake; she commented on how she was a morning person, and had no trouble getting up.

Cutter eyed the zombie as he put on his iron armor. He had to check the ropes on Er-Lan, making sure he couldn’t escape. They all gathered their gear and prepared to leave.

Notice that I’m just giving information. I’m not letting the reader experience anything with the characters; they’re completely disconnected from the story. If the whole book was written this way, no one would ever get to the end, they’d put it down, or maybe use it as a doorstop.

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Here’s the chapter after I wrote it out and did a couple of rewrites. This is just the beginning, the chapter is actually 8 pages long:

Watcher slowly opened his eyes. His mind was foggy, still lost in the pleasant dream involving his sister and their pet pig, Chops. A warm red glow shone down on him through the leafy roof of the forest, the rising sun bathing the landscape with deep reds and soft oranges. Sitting up, he glanced at the eastern horizon. It was painted with every shade imaginable. The square face of the sun was just peeking out above the horizon, driving the starry sky overhead away for another day. 

He stood and stretched, then smiled as a gentle breeze caressed the tree leaves overhead, causing them rustle, making a noise like distant applause; it was a peaceful, calming sound. An ache let itself be known in his back; sometime overnight he must have rolled onto the corner of a stone block. Bending his back, he tried the stretch the knot from his muscles, but it only seemed to make it hurt worse. 

“Come on everyone, let’s get moving,” Planter said.

She was a morning person, and had no trouble waking up and being ready to greet the day. 

“Are you always so perky in the morning?” Cutter asked with a yawn. 

“Of course.” Planter smiled.

The warrior rolled his eyes, then stood and checked on their prisoner. Er-Lan was still tied to a tree nearby, Put there last night to keep the monster from running away. Cutter checked the ropes, to make sure they were still tight. Satisfied, he gave the zombie an angry glare, then turned back to his companions. 

I try to add as much sensory information as possible and I try to let the reader experience the scene with the characters. Notice that it’s much longer than the Tell version; this will frequently be true. Showing will always add more content to your story. More isn’t always better; a story doesn’t have to be long to be good, but when you’re showing and adding content, you’re likely making the reader feel like they’re in the story, and can see everything your describing in your mind.

Notice, there’s one sentence that’s a Tell: She was a morning person, and had no trouble waking up and being ready to greet the day. This sentence is just giving information to the reader, not showing them how she is a morning person. If I’d caught this before the book went to print, I would have either rewritten it, or just deleted it.

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Below are a few websites with examples of Show vs. Tell for you to look at:

 

https://www.dailywritingtips.com/show-dont-tell/

https://learnzillion.com/lesson_plans/5595-show-don-t-tell/

https://giants-markcheverton.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/6-ShowNotTellLesson.pdf